Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
