it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
