It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize