escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
