FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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