Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
