I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
