my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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