Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
