On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
