Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
