Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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