did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This is my gift to your gina
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
