my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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