i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
