wake up i wanna do it froggy style
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
