i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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