I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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