Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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