I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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