My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im holly from the hills drunk
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
