dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
This house was built for laser tag.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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