i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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