Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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