I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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