So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
