i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
