So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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