can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Boobs speak an international language.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The uberlube is also flammable
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
