I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
