I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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