whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
