Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
