I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
