...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
