I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
