yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
