I must be too annoying 4 u.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
