i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
