lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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