Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize