I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
