He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He did a backflip because drugs
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
