I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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