I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
