You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize