i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
