i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Randomize
