peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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