Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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