Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
