Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
