Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
