Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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