They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
