This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize