Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
