just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
