He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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