this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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