did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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