before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
