Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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