he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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