he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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