the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
